December 2011
1 post
September 2011
1 post
looking out my back door
this apartment, specifically this back porch, is the biggest trigger. I’m sitting here, probably for the last time, remembering how I spent my days. how comfortable it is to sit outside, feel the wind, hear the outdoor sounds, and I miss the smoke. all the various grey strings floating, swirling out of mouths and hands. the heart races, the dozing off, the laughing at nothing, the lack of...
July 2011
1 post
where have i been?
right here. and no where. but i’m coming back. i refuse to be here and gone. yolo, right? so let’s not waste it.
May 2011
2 posts
Just Before I Turn 27
I am doing things I never thought I would do. Good and bad. I feel like I’m becoming the hippie I wanted to be since the very moment I knew what a hippie was. Peace, love, higher thinking, spiritual, sensual; a mix of basic animal instinct and deep, esoteric thinking. I don’t know what I am or what I’m meant to do, but I feel like I’m closer to knowing than I ever was.
This motherfucker. Too much control. I give pieces of my heart to every man who dominates me. I don’t mean to. I come round to check on it a month after we start and this chunk is missing. Not a HUGE chunk, but enough that you can tell it’s missing. And like, I’m mad I let that happen, but I’m glad in a way. I care deeply for a person. Even if they don’t care like...
April 2011
6 posts
Thankful, Whatever Part It Is Now.
One - I’m thankful for employment. I’ve been fortunate in that my last job and my current job? Both awesome. There are politics and even now I get too emotional. But I’m lucky to have a job and luckier to know the people I’ve met through my jobs.
Two - I’m thankful for gay men. I have always been much better at talking to guys than girls, but I hate feeling like my...
Thankful, Pt. 3
One - I’m thankful for AIR CONDITIONING!
Two - I’m thankful for sex. I really am. I’m thankful that I’m comfortable with my body, that I have very few inhibitions and that I am not ashamed of my feelings, physical and emotional. I hid my sexuality away for so many years. And it’s not been free of issues. But embracing it is so much better than burying it.
Three -...
thankful, pt. 2.
One - I’m thankful for Ursula. Coming into a new job is never easy for me. Having Ursula train me was divine intervention. She knows her stuff and made sure I know mine. Not just about the everyday functions, but the politics. She is genuine, smart and the hardest worker I know. Plus she always smells good.
Two - I’m thankful for Georgia Southern. It led me completely astray from...
thankful, pt. one.
one - I’m thankful that my parents raised me going to church. I’ve strayed and reevaluated my beliefs over and over, but I could never deny the existence of God. Knowing atheists makes me happy that I was born to Christians.
two - I’m thankful for Taqueria Los Hermanos on Sugarloaf Parkway. Fish tacos. No further explanation needed.
three - I’m thankful for indoor...
Who I was? I was 5 years old, going forward to get saved every Sunday because I was afraid of hell. I was a 12 year old pouring over books about the validity of translations of the Bible. I was 15 writing a paper for Bible class defending witchcraft. I was 18 taking ancient Greek. I was 19 sitting in a service at a Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
Before love and sex and dating and...
There is a lot to say.
about people. The way they move. How hands wrap around coffee mugs. What their faces look like after they cum. How ugly joints are - knees, ankles, elbows. Why laughing sounds like crying sometimes.
There are stories to tell. About the woods. Where things go when they are lost. Where things go when they die. Stories about every wooden house next to a hill with tacky overgrown ivy. Every bedroom....
February 2011
4 posts
i fucking hate you.
i’m tired of giving a fuck about you and what goes on in your life when you COULD NOT CARE LESS about me.
what’s crazy is that if you were to see this, you would never ever assume it’s about you. but it is.
I am surprised by and grateful for the love I receive from unexpected places. A couple people in group have reached out to me with such kind, genuine care that it is overwhelming. We are essentially strangers, but we are all, somehow, the same person. It’s beautiful. And I may not have that traditional lovey-dovey Valentine’s whatever… but I have something more honest, deeper. J,...
WatchEvan
January 2011
4 posts
things i can always count on
my family
jazz, sassy, elvis, grace
babies
children
movies
music
books
sudoku
math
the rules of physics
art
food
sleep
pain
driving
singing
writing
photography
baking
church
i am letting it get to me. and i can’t. so i will come back to this list every day and make these things a part of every day if i can. so i can keep my feet on the ground and my brains inside my...
This post is totally from my new blackberry. I’ve finally joined the rest of the world.
December 2010
15 posts
1 tag
Have you settled down?
no. i want to. we’ll see what 2011 brings.
Ask me anything
so someone is impersonating me on tumblr.
that is really fucking creepy.
“Anybody who God knew before the earth was created is not insignificant.”
– my father
tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?
ask emmy. part eight.
Dear Emily, I’ve been seeing Chloe for six months now, and things have been great. She used to model in New York and Paris. She’s also a Giver. She’s bought me things plenty of times, she’s kind to my close friends, and she takes care of her mother, who is financially unstable. She manages to babysit terribly bratty children, so she seems to have good potential as a mother, as well. She also has...
ask emmy. part seven.
Dear Emily, I am a gay man who has been in a relationship with my partner for nine years. My lover has always planned on undergoing a sex change, from male to female. There were money and health problems, but he’s ready now. I’ve always told him that I love him, no matter what. Now he’s gotten his breast implants and I have to admit I am completely weirded out by them. I feel like a hypocrite,...
ask emmy. part six.
Dear Emily,
I’ve been with my husband for nearly eight years. When we met, he weighed about 140 pounds, which wasn’t bad on his 5-foot-10 frame. Since then, he’s ballooned to 230 pounds! I know I should just be a grownup and tell him that it would improve our sex life if he lost the weight. The problem is this: I am a recovering anorexic. My husband knows and has been nothing short of...
ask emmy. part five.
Dear Emily,
Today is my 27th birthday, and I am getting tired of being single. I’m decent-looking (according to friends), kind, a good cook, I own my own company and am a generally very well-rounded, highly intelligent man. That said, in the past 10 years, I have been in only one relationship and for less than one year.
The pattern is that I form very close friendships with smart,...
ask emmy. part four.
Dear Emily,
My girlfriend is a smoker. In the beginning it didn’t bother me. I come from a family of smokers and I used to smoke. But now her smoking is a huge turn-off. I’ve also started a new job where I work with cancer patients and I see the deadly effects of smoking everyday. I’ve tried everything to get her to stop. She says she’ll try, but never makes an effort....
ask emmy. part three.
Dear Emily, About a year ago I started a new job. I had been unemployed for over a year and had already lost my car to repossession so now I have to use public transportation. There are the same few of us at the bus stop every morning and we all take the same bus. One of them is a very nice, older man with poor eyesight. He would always fumble, trying to find the right bills for the bus so one day...
ask emmy. part two.
Dear Emily, My husband has some kinky sexual desires that I don’t want to deal with—they just aren’t my thing. He’s proposed that he visit a dominatrix, and I’m half-inclined to consent. He insists that they wouldn’t be having sex, not even in the Bill Clinton sense, and that whatever happens, there would be no threat to our relationship. I suspect that both of those...
ask emmy. part one.
Dear Emily, I recently discovered that Mr. A, my favorite teacher at my all-girls private school, is having sex with one of my closest friends, Bee. Mr. A has known us since we were 12, and we became close to him when we entered high school. When my parents divorced, he was someone I could talk to. When Bee’s mom got sick, he was a sounding board for her, too. I’ve always thought of...
November 2010
2 posts
i just gotta keep telling myself that i know i can hold my own. i’ve done it before, i could do it again, but i’d rather spend my time wisely and be productive. i was trying to put my finger on why i was bothered last night and my jealousy wasn’t about him. i was jealous of this girl who does what she pleases and controls men with her body and her beauty and is flip about sex....
October 2010
1 post
August 2010
4 posts
let’s take a minute to face our fears. as a matter of fact, let’s take 17 weeks. lay it all on the line. put it all in the open. clean out the dark places. take a broom to the cobwebs you can’t reach. give a name to each and every lie. look in the mirror and see what you refused to see. see it all. see yourself for exactly who you are.
a liar. a fake. an addict. a cheater. a...
July 2010
4 posts
WHAT THE FUCK!
i’m pretty.
i’m sexy.
i’m smart.
i’m funny.
i’m ambitious.
i’m talented.
i have a job.
i have a car.
i care about important things.
i have important things to say.
so why the FUCK can’t i find someone to love me and be with me and want a relationship with me? i’m so fucking tired of it. i’d be a nun if i didn’t like saying the...
inception.
there are people in this world (ok, maybe “person”) who thinks i have things to say sometimes. especially about movies. i watch a lot of movies. and sometimes i go see them by myself. actually, i do it a lot. it’s quiet, it’s private, i don’t have to share my twizzlers. and i can pay attention instead of wondering if my hand is positioned correctly for the boy next to...
June 2010
1 post
my horoscope for today.
Some people around you might think that you have never really matured, Gemini, that you still have the mind of a child. It might not seem obvious at first, but your lighthearted attitude is also a sign of great wisdom. As with those who have truly committed to long-term romances, you will find out that you’ll never lose your lightheartedness.
May 2010
8 posts
1 tag
formspring.me
Ask me anything http://formspring.me/isthisdesire