10 12 / 2010
ask emmy. part two.
Dear Emily,
My husband has some kinky sexual desires that I don’t want to deal with—they just aren’t my thing. He’s proposed that he visit a dominatrix, and I’m half-inclined to consent. He insists that they wouldn’t be having sex, not even in the Bill Clinton sense, and that whatever happens, there would be no threat to our relationship. I suspect that both of those things are true, but I still wonder whether we should go down this road. Obviously, I don’t love the idea of my husband being involved in any kind of intimate acts with another woman, but I might prefer this to dominating him myself. He’s gone to therapy—it made no difference. Any thoughts?
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I’d like to start out by saying that it’s 10:14 pm. I worked an 11 hour day today. I go in at 7am tomorrow and most likely will not clock out til 9pm. I’ll have a 30 minute break probably around 4pm. What I’m saying is, I’m dedicated.
I thought about this question a lot today, though, so I’m prepared to answer it. First, I wanna give massive praise to your husband. He obviously has an assload of integrity and he obviously loves you a lot. If those things weren’t the case, he would’ve proceeded without your input or knowledge. This fact goes a long way in my thinking that he would continue to be honest about how he interacts with this dominatrix. And most women in that line of work are very clear about NOT being prostitutes and not sleeping with their clients. So I wouldn’t worry about sex.
I can, of course, understand the reluctance to encourage your man to get pleasure from or be intimate in any way with someone else. I want to be the sole source of my man’s pleasure, especially sexual pleasure. However, you’re not interested in doing what he wants. That’s not a bad thing. You shouldn’t have to do something you aren’t comfortable with. But being in a marriage means doing everything you can to ensure your partner is getting the most out of life, is as happy as possible. There’s no reason I can see to deny him this pleasure. I actually wonder if it won’t improve your sex life. It’s a win-win. And it doesn’t have to be a permanent solution. If it doesn’t work out, don’t do it anymore. I would suggest being open-minded, interested and communicative about his experiences with her, though. You might learn something. You honestly never know much a good spanking can improve your day til you’ve had one. I’m just saying.
